Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies _the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. Historians have recorded this as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the light bulb turns on.


Peço desculpa a todos os ue não entendem lá muito bem a língua inglesa (tal como o Mr Scolari) mas não tenho pachorra para traduzir isto. Podem sempre usar o Babelfish